As a passionate teen or say more ambitious, I always watch content that is related to money, motivation, entrepreneurship, or like “How this 16 years old build a business” that kind of things, all about making something different from my surroundings and stay financially independent.
But at some point, my youtube homepage is fully saturated by this content and I am consuming that more and more, my brain cannot think anything different than that. Many times in my dreams, I used to think about this and ask myself how am I going to do that. By thinking that every time I started feeling so low and depressed. That I can’t do that while the other kid of my age or younger than me doing great stuff.
Over time, it became a demotivation or it only gave the stress and disbelief that I am not worth doing these great things. I compared myself with them and made wishful thoughts that one day I will be like them and earn money and be financially independent. I do try different things but I don’t know why I fail and get distressed about that.
I also don’t like academics and going to school to not learn anything that is relevant to real life. That kind of mentality was implemented in me. This mentality is also a result of the content that I consume. So, there will be always an argument with me my parents about the academics part. They always wanted me to study well, get good marks and get into a good college.
As we were a middle-class family we didn’t have enough money to not worry about our future. We don’t have a proper vision of how the coming years are going to be like. Keeping that in mind, the type of content which I consume, the expectation, and the responsibility on me were making me so depressed and make me think about the decision that I am going to take. I literally lost my happiness and couldn’t feel fully happy at any moment.
I still don’t know how am I going to do that. I have many questions like should I follow my passion or how to make money so that I can support my parents. I also felt Imposter syndrome and started doubting myself as this is really for me. Or if I chose the path which my parents wanted me to choose, will make me happy.
I will be overwhelmed by this overthinking. I really don’t know what to do and how my life is going to be. But the only thing which I know is that I am not an ordinary kid, I am special and that makes everybody unique.
